Pirate Rants April 17, 2014

Whenever a delivery truck parks half on the curb in front of Bate, I imagine how fairly easy it’d be to tip it.

If I were nice enough to hold the door open for you, a simple “thanks” would suffice. Don’t be rude!

Neon tank tops on hot chicks are like a Bug Zapper to a beetle… One day I am going to wreck… again.

I WILL LOOK AT EVERYTHING THAT YOU EXPOSE WITHOUT HESITATION. So understand when I do not look you in the eyes even for a brief second.

I’m moving to Florida and have season tickets for 2014 ECU Football. Must get pilot’s license.

I’d be a college professor. At least the students are “technically” legal…

Freshman advice: Plan on five years… graduating in four is like leaving a party before the keg is tapped!

Warm weather brings the long awaited short spandex shorts! Love at first sight is real!

Vanilla Coke! Senior Fifteen will happen in the last three weeks of my college career!

Could they please just put an entire page of Pirate Rants in the last paper before the semester ends? I am graduating and this is my final wish!

When you are yelling ladies first over and over pushing your way through a crowd to get on the bus, it makes you look like a needy diva and no guy wants a needy diva.

I’m sick of seeing Wolfpack and Tar Heels clothing being worn on this campus by ECU students. If you want to be there, then go there. If you’re not good enough to get in then suck it up and be proud to be a Pirate by showing it.

Seriously, when did it become socially acceptable to wear only a T-shirt and see-through leggings?

To the individual who determined the Tar River tanning bed trash can was an appropriate place of urination…I recommend you get checked, pee isn’t suppose to smell like the juice from a tuna can.

My profound thanks to the random guy who returned my wallet to me Tuesday. A little of my faith in humanity has been restored.

I came to the library to do work, not hear your music coming from your headphones over 10 feet away.

Can we please get sleeping pods like Google? This kid is taking up my computer in the lab to sleep.

Let’s hear it for ECU Club Cheer for placing 2nd at their National Competition in Daytona!

Shout Out to Brandon Knox for winning the Collegiate Boxing National Championship! #ECUClubBoxing

Congrats to the ECU Women’s Lacrosse Club for winning their tournament at UNCW!

Some words of wisdom for all the seniors in my major: there is no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions.

Hey, I’m THE redhead in Croatan and I would love some company!

To the guy who wore the black slacks and the black polo riding the Sunchase bus in the morning with the duffle bag: why you so fine fah?

“Like” the ECU Aero Club Page on Facebook!

To the cute guy who was long boarding on Saturday with your shirt off with an aqua hat past west end: what is your name?

The next day after a party people be like “argggh you okay?”

I would buy her a snow cone.

If I am the only one using the bathroom and there are eight other stalls, please refrain from using the one right beside me. Sincerely, I like my space.

A record-breaking 45 minutes of class before lecture begins! Definitely what I’m here for.

To the girl that sits on the front row of my abnormal psych class: make an appointment with the professor for your questions, it’s 9 p.m.

To my roommate who is graduating and moving out in May: Congratulations! I wish you all the best and hope that someday you’ll be able to afford the surgery to remove your head from your a**.

Seeing that someone actually responded to two of my pirate rants is hilarious. #stepyourgameup #dirtylaundry

 

For the love of God, PLEASE tip your baristas and servers. It’s your parents’ money anyway!

Anyone else excited about Sailor Moon Crystal?

To the girl who started the random convo at the West End salad bar: you made my day.

Can’t wait for my family’s annual Easter egg hunt where the eggs are filled with airplane bottles instead of candy.

We were meant to love each other but not be together and that’s the hardest lesson I’ve learned in college.

Purple is better than red. For both school colors and weddings.

Why do skateboarders attempt to do tricks on campus while people are trying to get to class? Are we supposed to be impressed by an almost completed trick?

Things have never been the same between SafeRide and me. Ever since the day they decided to block my calls for a half hour straight and leave me stranded on campus at 2 a.m. In other words, I got trust issues. *Cue Drake Music*

A real relationship ends when a fake relationship begins on Kik.

They make “the little blue pill that could” for that problem.

If you can’t get it up, it’s STILL not anyone’s problem but your own. Sorrrrrry for offending you!

After about 200 matches on Tinder, I think I finally found someone with sense.

Please use correct grammar when submitting Pirate Rants. I am losing IQ points as I read.

I wonder if people secretly know that it was me that submitted the Pirate Rant #paranoid.

I could be such a Pirate Rant troll…but I’ll let it slide this time.

Oh, you don’t watch Game of Thrones? You haven’t experienced life.

Stop inviting me! I’m too nice to say no, but I’m too lazy to say yes.

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