I feel like all of my professors get together and plan how to make my life a living hell.

You stink dude. Stop being shy and go use the dorm showers. I CANNOT FOCUS!!

If you're friends only take you out with them to be the DD, you might want to consider wasting your money on something other than being in Alpha Phi.

Honestly, if Brother Ross is going to Heaven I'd rather go to Hell.

Just because you can quote Twitter does not mean you know anything about politics...

You know you miss ECU when all you do at your GROWN UP job is read PIRATE Rants to your co-workers at UNC!

Am I the only person who can see 'SmOkE wEeD' written in chalk on the side of SciTech. It has been there for months.

Why can't Pirate Rants just have they're own page? Seriously, I don't want the whole paper.

Dear boss: I know you said that everyone should learn life isn't fair, but I think you should know life is great and you suck at your job.

Dear iDrive: At what BAC does a person lose their legal competency and forfeit their right to use your services?

Dear Professor, can you reschedule when my 15-page paper is due so I can watch the Super Bowl? Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?

I read Pirate Rants more than I use the $500+ books that my professors 'require' for class.

Everything that Vanilla Ice describes in 'Ice Ice Baby' is in similitude with life as an ECU student.

If my vagina were a restaurant, it would be Subway: Where Winners Eat.

Dear Jesus man preaching on the Mall: I love how you are taking advantage of your freedom of speech, but I’m just trying to get to class, not burn my way into hell. Thanks.

If she wears silly bands to the club, she's too young for you bro.

ECU should have a history class on famous pirates. We are the Pirates after all.

Dear students, you can't read my handwriting on your papers because I needed an entire bottle of vodka before your paper made any sense. Sincerely, your professor.

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

That awkward moment when you read the rants at work and lol and no one knows what you're laughing at.

Reading the rants while driving is normally safe. Coming across your first published rant and almost wrecked in excitement! ... Sorry Civic.

Politicians and baby diapers need changing often and for the same reason.

If you got it then flaunt it, but if you have too much of it ... please just put it away.

How did none of my rants get published last week?