Hopefully one of my 16 rants will get published. Odds are forever in my favor.

I think it's safe to say that we've all had a Molly.

To the lame who tried to call me dumb last week: Let's just see who gets a better job.

All-nighters, endless dates with Joyner, sleep-fighter, make a hook with my pointer. #RantRapper

Hakuna Matata > YOLO. Timon & Pumba > Drake.

Parking tickets can really ruin someone's day. Yo parking meter busters, f*** off!!!!

I thought UGG boots, sweatshirts, and yoga pant season was over.

Dude ... just ... no.

I’m Scot/Irish. It’s illegal for me not to drink at any age.

I learned an entire semester of math at one session at pirate tutoring than an entire semester in class.

I need to rethink my life. Someone hand me a beer.

I will haunt you until you kill yourself!

I will smash your face into a car windshield then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner AND NEVER CALL HER AGAIN.

Dorothy Mantooth is a SAINT!

Yo North Campus Crossing Residents, CLEAN UP YOUR DOGS SH**!! Thanks.

I am a 24-year-old virgin and proud of it!

Our neighbors called the cops because my boyfriend and I were too loud making the beast with two backs.

There are only two good things that come from the North: Harley Davidson and I-95 South.

Just remember kids, C's get degrees!
To the girl who played with my emotions, just remember karma is a bigger b**** than I'll ever be!

Pirate Rants legit just saved me from work ... Still love my ECU!

Overheard downtown: “If I believed everything guys told me when I was out, I would've already slept with an astronaut, pilot and at least three people that killed Bin Laden.”

Sorry bro, I may have grinded and made out with your hot TA all night, but she's still not bumping your grade up to an A.

I hate it when you’re walking through the pillars by Joyner and someone walks the same time as you do you can't hear your sound.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Every time you laugh, it makes me want to drown a kitten. Every time.

So, I'm going to spend a third summer in Greenville taking summer classes, and I still am not going to graduate on time. This has to be some kind of record.

I have never felt so good about our relationship ending until I saw you on campus wearing two polos with the collars popped, a blazer and jeans.